So you want to Build a Suicide Booth
Questions you'll need to answer
Collisteru, my fellow Inkhaven-er, asked me the other day if I was in favor of Futurama-style suicide booths. “We have the technology!” he insisted. After talking about it for a few minutes, we realized that no, no we do not actually have the technology.
So you want to build an actual, literal, phone-booth-sized suicide booth like in Futurama and install it on a city street. Someone can walk inside, pay the fee, and select a mode of death. After the deed is done, the floor opens up into a chute to dispose of the body.
Do you have any idea how hideously complicated this is to execute???
Let’s assume the simplest mode of death: nitrogen asphyxiation. Where is the nitrogen stored? Tanks? Someone needs to periodically replace or refill those tanks.
Other causes of death add complexity. A “slow and horrible” death, where a robot arm deploys with a knife to stab someone, would be a maintenance nightmare. What happens when the arms go out of order?
And the biohazards. Stabbing leaves blood and entrails all over the walls. Everything will need to be cleaned and sterilized after every use. Where is the cleaning solution going to be stored? More tanks? Will you connect to the water supply? What about the runoff? Will it go down the chute, along with the body?
How will you dispose of the bodies? When the chute opens, it has to lead somewhere. Will there be some vast underground apparatus to cremate them? If so, how will the ashes be disposed of? Will the booth ask about next of kin contact info ahead of time, and get an address to send the cremains to? Or will they just be dumped into a pile? If so, who is going to empty this pile? How often?
For that matter, what if the person doesn’t want to be cremated? What if they want an open-casket funeral? I’m certainly no medical examiner, but my steady diet of police procedurals has given me the impression that dumping a body down a chute would cause damage. Is there going to be a full-on morgue down there? Staffed? No, automated? Now you’re really getting into the expensive robots.
Do you have a maintenance schedule set up for servicing the booth and this subterranean conveyor system? Will you have enough booths deployed to generate enough work to justify hiring at least one full-time maintenance person?
How will you manufacture this booth? What will the main body be made of? Folded sheet metal, or molded plastic? Do you have a manufacturer lined up to mass produce them? How many units will you be making? You’ll need to find suppliers for every screw, screen, button, and hydraulic arm to push the floor back into place. I hope you speak Chinese.
How will you install this booth (and corresponding subterranean system)? You’ll need to train technicians who specialize in installing these systems, just like for elevators, escalators, and robot arms in factories. These are very expensive and highly-specialized trades. Can you afford it?
If you’re charging money for providing your services, will you take credit cards? Nobody carries cash on them anymore. Which payment processor is going to work with you on this? Something tells me Visa isn’t going to want to be associated with you. Wait, you don’t know about debanking? Clearly you need to read Patrick McKenzie.
Oh, right. Personal effects. Wallets, phones, and such. Even if you’re cremating the bodies, what about the stuff in their pockets? Are you going to keep it all? You realize that’s stealing, right? (Now I really hope you gathered next of kin info ahead of time.)
Where will you install the suicide booth? Which street? Have you gotten all the right permits from the local municipality? Conducting a business that provides medical and funeral services is illegal in a residential-zoned area.
And you just know that that booth is going to be vandalized in five seconds. A homeless guy is going to try to shoot up heroin inside it, and accidentally press the button. I hope you know a good lawyer.
Oh, and most importantly: your main competitor is... a nurse with an IV full of morphine.
Good luck!
Get the abundance bros on this :)